Filed under: Journey to Healing | Tags: breast cancer; medical, healing, natural, pain
The ‘birth’ of my miracle has two parts. This is Part One: Physical.
In my last post, I told you about how wonderful pain medication is. So let me back up a little and start from there.
As I mentioned before, I was in pain and a very dear friend shared her leftover Vicodin with me and I found moments of blissful, pain free, clarity of thought. Then one day, as I enjoyed one of those blissful moments, it dawned on me that the Vicodin was almost gone! The thought of going back to writhing in pain did NOT make me happy, so Mark and I decided to go to the emergency room to obtain some legal prescription relief.
Even though that option did not please me very much, (because we knew my body was healing naturally and we had no intention of putting it through the conventional treatment of surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation), the medication helped me stay focused on that healing, so we decided to give it a go.
We chose the County hospital in Oakland because we do not have health insurance (couldn’t get it because this all started before Mark got his current job, so it is a pre-existing condition which is not covered), and we knew the County hospital would work with us on a reasonable payment plan.
We sat in the ER for 3 hours, (which seemed like an eternity), but this particular hospital is a learning hospital and the area’s only Trauma Center. When they took us to a room, and after lots of questions, the resident doctor took one look at my gaping wound and decided to call in a specialist and a surgeon. Four doctors later, all were in agreement that I needed a battery of tests. In order to do all these tests, they did the unthinkable . . . admitted me to the hospital.
Now, I have never been a patient in a hospital my whole life; I was born at home; had my tonsils taken out in the doctor’s office and even had my two children naturally at home, so this was a very frightening experience for me. My dear, sweet husband held my hand and assured me it would all be okay. The next day the scheduled tests proceeded with a biopsy (the doctors started using the word cancer very cautiously, but remember, I already knew I had cancer and my body had all ready spit one tumor out!). Then there was the MRI; CAT scan; and bone scan. All these tests took two hospital nights for me to complete.
On the third day they let me go, but not before the surgeon came in to talk to me. With a smile on her face she said “I’ll bet you’d like to know how the brain scan turned out wouldn’t you?”
I thought it must be good news since she was smiling so said, “yes, I would”.
With that, the smile suddenly disappeared from her face as she told me. . . “well, it’s not good. But we won’t know what exactly that means untill we get all the results back.”
As you can imagine, it hit me like a ton of bricks! Then Mark reminded me that we already knew the results and the medical staff was only doing what they had been trained to do. We left the hospital with the pain meds we originally came for and an appointment to see the doctor 10 days later.
Those ten days were the longest days of my life, because even though I knew what the doctor would tell me, I didn’t want to be told I only had a few months to live. I was sure that is what they would say based on the conversation I had with the surgeon. Once again Mark’s soothing, loving voice broke through my terror and reminded me that even if that’s what they told me, it didn’t make it so. “We will continue on our course of action. We know your body is healing, regardless of what the doctor says”, he assured me. As I drifted off to sleep, I asked my angels for help to be strong the next day.
Mark and our daughter, Sarah accompanied me to hear the verdict. The longer we waited, the calmer I felt until the moment the doctor stepped into the room. Here he was; the man who would give me the number of days I had left in this lifetime. Would it be 6 months? Perhaps a year; or maybe even less time. I braced myself as he walked toward me.
“I’ve got some good news,” he proclaimed with a smile.
I could feel my heart leap as an unexpected wave of hope washed over me. “I don’t have cancer?” I asked.
“Oh no, you have cancer, but your particular type of cancer can easily be treated successfully with hormone therapy!”
I almost fell out of my chair! He continued, as my brain struggled to make sense of this new revelation. There was a new hormone drug out that virtually had no side effects yet targeted the cancer cells in the body and destroyed them but left the immune system strong and the rest of my healthy cells healthy. He continued to tell me the tests revealed a very small cancer legion on one of my bones as well as on my liver. The hormone that I would take once a day would also target and kill those cells. Finally he added there was also a very tiny, tiny (“almost not even worth mentioning”), legion on my brain. The drug would have no effect on that spot, but there was a new procedure called a “gamma knife” that specifically targeted radiation to the very small legion and would not effect any other part of the brain. He added that the brain legion was so small that there was no hurry in getting it fixed.
One more thing the doctor added was that the blockage in my lymph system, which caused my right arm to be totally numb and un-useable could be helped at the Lymphedema Clinic, and I could regain total use of my arm in a few weeks or months!
With that, the doctor gave me the prescription for the hormone; orders to go to the Lymphedema clinic and more of the much needed pain medication.
Sarah, graciously offered to stay at the pharmacy to get the prescriptions filled while Mark and I went to the Financial office to arrange payments for the hospital stay; all the tests and my continued treatment (Lymphedema clinic). To our total surprise and shock, we found that everything was totally taken care of; everthing from the prescriptions to the hospital stay and all the bandages and dressings I needed to take care of my open wound!
At that point I could no longer contain my tears. The whole day was filled with miracles! These miracles were not just physical, but spiritual as well!
Stay tuned for Part 2 of ‘BIRTH OF A MIRACLE’ to see how the events of the day changed my life.
I AM IN PAIN! More pain than I ever imagined I could endure. So much that I finally had to break down and go get some pain medication. I’m not telling you this to get sympathy or advice, but simply to live my life transparent before you for the purpose of my own healing and to be an encouragement to others who may be going through their own challenge. (Doesn’t have to be cancer either! A challenge is a challenge and one is not bigger or ‘better’ than another.)
As you know, I have chosen to go thru this challenge naturally So some of subsequent decisions I have made have really wrecked havoc on my humility! For example, getting the pain medication. What? No herbs or tinctures? Tried them and for a while they worked. I called out for help from my angels and guides and within a day, a very kind soul gave me some vicodin they had left over from one of their challenges. I was amazed! Not only did it alleviate the pain, but I found I was even able to think about something other than pain! I am fully aware that pain meds only mask the pain; they don’t heal anything, but I have to tell you it was really a nice break. Now I can put my energy on allowing healing instead of writhing in anguish.
This whole process is a very good learning experience and one that has shown me my true heart more clearly than anything else I’ve ever been through. And not all the revelations I’ve gotten are bad! For instance, I have a very high pain tolerance! Also, really, I don’t have to be a turbo-bitch! Just because I’m experiencing pain doesn’t mean I have the right to make everyone else’s life miserable. I’m, of course, speaking about my husband, who is doing everything he can to help me. If I didn’t understand it before, I understand now how extraordinary his love is for me.
Then there’s the not so nice things that only seem to make themselves visible when extreme circumstances come into play; for example, my lack of compassion! I thought I was full of it, but looking at it all now I truly do know what others are going through and am a bit ashamed of the lack of compassion I’ve expressed, (because I was BLIND!) in the past.
In the long run I am truly beginning to understand how pain, (as unpleasant as it is), is simply part of the healing process; emotional and spiritual along with physical. Now, I try to look beyond the outward, and take note of the inward re-actions and feelings. Sometimes, when I can address ‘those’ feelings, the pain actually subsides. . . if not, there’s always the Vicodin.
Filed under: Journey to Healing, Wisdom | Tags: anger, guidance, Higher Self, Release, resentment
Did you know that we are wonderful beings made of three distinct parts? Spirit, Mind and Body. Yet when we seek healing, we only concentrate on one of those parts; Body.
In my adventure, I have learned that the Body cannot fully heal if the Spirit and Mind are neglected. Is there unrest in our emotions? Is there a lack of guidance from our Higher Self?
I find for most people, dealing with the raging war in our mind is the hardest obstacle. Afterall, we may be totally justified in our anger or resentment. But looking at the bigger picture, how does ‘being right or being justified’ in our feelings benefit us? Does it quell the anger and promote joy and happiness which in return aids in the physical healing of our bodies? My experience is that it just feeds the anger and resentment! My body gets tense and my emotions are far from forgiving and joyful.
So this is what I am learning to do; try and see the person or circumstance through the eyes of unconditional love. I mean, really, in the long run, is it really necessary to be justified? I know our EGO thinks so, but what harm are we doing to our little gentle cells that only want to joyfully go about their healing work? All that (albeit justified) anger and resentment is putting a serious damper on the healing process! So what is more important? Being ‘right’ or being healed?
I’m clearly seeing, in real life, how important it is to relax and let go of all thoughts and attitudes that stop joy from flowing freely through my body. I am understanding that everyone has their own journey and even if it’s not like mine, it is important to them. And here I want to be very clear. . . that means with politics; religion; healthcare; and any other highly volcanic topics.
Anytime I begin to feel that tinge of unrest, I stop and check where it may be coming from, then deal with it! It’s not important that others believe the same way I do. It’s not necessary for them to support the same causes as me. Everyone must find that place of joy and happiness for themselves, and not expect anyone else to agree.
All is well in my world as long as I keep my eye on that place of unconditional love. Who wants to join me?
Filed under: Journey to Healing | Tags: breast cancer; medical, healing, natural
Most of you know I am on the path of allowing my body to heal itself of breast cancer.
I decided not to go the conventional route of surgery; chemotherapy and radiation. Instead, I changed my diet and lifestyle and have done some very deep emotional work to allow the natural healing to take place. I have conquered my biggest fears and opened my heart to learning the true meaning of “unconditional love” for myself as well as all those who enter my life.
As I share my journey with the inquiring minds around me, I am surprised with all the responses. For example those I thought would rally, being family, have made themselves ghosts in my world; or they think for some reason beyond my comprehension that I am lying. Why the hell would anyone lie about something as serious as having cancer?
For the most part, people have been very supportive and encouraging. I am grateful for the few family members that are very positive and let me know that even if I’ve chosen what they would classify as an extreme path, they will continue to support me in every way possible.
There is one reaction that I am totally unprepared for; being an” inspiration”! You see, I’m just doing what is natural for me. Having never been in a hospital as a patient in my whole life, the thought of entering into that realm is very disconcerting. People that find out what I’m doing make remarks to me about how “brave” I am or that I have a lot of “faith”,but I see things differently.
I look at the women who have chosen to go the traditional path as having tremendous faith. They are putting their bodies in the hands of men and women who can only offer them treatments they have learned in books. There is no individual care; everyone is treated the same. And pretty much everyone gets the same prognosis! If you are still alive in five years, you are considered “cured” of cancer! If you drop dead two weeks after that five year mark, well, you are still considered cured of cancer because you passed that five year mark.
I cannot imagine giving control of my health and body over to a bunch of strangers that are limited in how they are able to help me. The path I have chosen keeps ME in charge. I listen to what my body needs and am able to adjust my lifestyle to the way my body will heal. I realize that just about any dis-ease is caused by not only a physical challenge, but an emotional and spiritual one as well. Therefore the healing cannot be accomplished by only addressing the physical, but the whole person I am has to be addressed and changes made.
Physicians are bound by the law to offer only the conventional treatments to their patients, or risk being fined and thrown in jail, where upon they of course would also lose their license to be a doctor. Their treatments have nothing to do with addressing each individual, and of course cannot even begin to treat the emotional or spiritual ailments.
So, when you put all that in perspective, who really is the brave soul? One who listens and follows what their body tells them it needs, or the person who gives all control over their body to those who MUST only treat the body?
Please don’t misunderstand me; I have total compassion for the thousands and thousands of people who go the “normal” conventional route. After all, we have all been trained from birth that the Doctor knows what is best for us and that listening to our bodies or addressing the emotional and spiritual part of the ailment is whack-o! I daresay in this day and age, the medical personnel themselves got into the field with full intentions of helping their fellow man. Somewhere along the line, however, helping people has taken a back seat to plying the patient with pharmaceuticals that address the symptoms instead of the true problem.
So you see, I am not really a hero. I have simply chosen to listen to my body and address the root causes of the cancer as well as the physical dis-ease itself. I’m simply doing what comes naturally!
I wonder how much more health and well-being would people experience if listening to their bodies and addressing those underlying issues was the “norm”.
Forever Joy Again 